The day I started bleeding.
It was meant to come on the 26th but it didn’t, then the 27th, but it didn’t….I can tell you right now I know every single little feeling in my body, I am so in tune with it, I might as well be a doctor.
The feeling of excitement that may occur, is this our time? Are we pregnant?
On the 28th I woke up at 5:40am for work, went to the toilet and as I wipe I see a light shade of blood on the paper. Without even realising, a small tear dropped from my eye.
This is the beginning of our IVF journey.
I log onto Repromed patient portal and log day 1 of my cycle.
What a bizarre process. 9pm every night we inject ourselves. Women all over the world doing the same thing for the same outcome, but not many speak of it.
7am scans and blood tests…the production line of women in the waiting room at this time of morning is astounding. One at a time names get called.
It’s a funny place Repromed, there is no wondering about what they’re here for, we all know but no one speaks.
My first scan at Repromed – Simone was the sonographers name…she was beautiful. So calming, so kind and made me feel extremely comfortable, even though I had a million scans the same in the past, she made it feel like it was my first.
I get a phone call from Repromed, a call to tell me that my scans and blood tests were not as expected. Turns out I didn’t have enough follicles and if I continued on with the medication and egg collection they would have only been able to retrieve a maximum of 3 eggs, a very poor count for someone of my age. The devastation that I felt in this moment is indescribable.
The poor lady on the other end of the line could just hear me sobbing, she said they should have put me on a higher dosage of medication. I didn’t even know this was a possibility….the 8 days of injections were a complete waste of time….well that’s what it felt like anyway.
We started all over again. Back in the waiting room with the other 9 women ranging from ages 25-45. There is 1 lady who brings her young child to the waiting room.
I work with children every day so naturally this doesn’t bother me, but I can’t help to think how the others might feel.
Do they already have children?
Does it pain them to be around children? What are they feeling? One of these days I will bring up the courage and ask the simple question, how are you? All 9 of us are on our phones. No one will dare look up in case they see someone they know….Adelaide is a small place after all.
I turned 30 yesterday, couldn’t celebrate with a glass of bubbles but I was ok with that. As I turn 30 I wondered….now I’m 30 will people stop saying “don’t worry, you’re still young and have plenty of time”. I really do hope so, but also don’t have a lot of faith.
Today is the 29th of March, and I sit in the waiting room again waiting for my second round of scans and blood tests.
Today will determine if I’m on track for egg retrieval. As I look around there are so many nervous faces. A lot of men here to support this morning which is lovely to see.
What a great result.
We are on track.
Butterflies appear as this is the real deal.
It is really happening. The injections were all worth it.
What a bloody lengthy process. I feel like I have been waiting for this day for years…I guess I kind of have in a way.
Egg collection day. We are booked in for 7am. I am so incredibly grateful to know two beautiful women who work at Repromed (Cassie & Judy) in Theatre so I knew I was in great hands.
As Dan and I sit in the waiting room, I didn’t feel nervous. I felt excited. I felt relieved. A small element was worried about the number of eggs they would collect, but I felt positive.
I remember waking up to see the number 7 on my hand and I burst into tears. I was so pleased to have our dear friend Cassie by my side holding my hand, she assured me it was a great result and that I only needed 1. In my groggy state I just couldn’t stop crying and all I wanted was to see Dan.
When we left the hospital I received a text message on my phone from Repromed, turns out they made a mistake. They retrieved 8 eggs instead of 7. 8, can you believe it? Both Dan and my lucky number. I felt hopeful.
Egg collection was on a Wednesday and by Friday morning I had been told that 2 eggs had died leaving us with 6 positive eggs.
Embryo transfer wasn’t until Monday midday so we were not in the clear yet. Over the next few days I remember feeling anxious but also mixed with excitement. I consider myself a pretty laid back, chilled kind of personality so I think I remained pretty calm to the general public….i mean I wasn’t a crazy woman anyway.
Another lucky sign, the date was the 8th, our lucky number.
This was embryo transfer day. We arrive to hear that we have 3 really good quality embryos and that the best one would be transferred today.
Dan came into the room with me and we both had no idea what to expect.
They showed us a picture of the embryo that was going to be transferred…this was potentially our baby and we should have been so excited but we just had no clue what we were looking at if I am honest. It just looked like a ball of bubbles.
But we trusted that they knew what they were doing and let them insert our best quality embryo.
Dan felt nervous and didn’t want to stay in the room for the transfer. When I told my friend later that day she said if he had left the room he technically wouldn’t have been in the room on the day of conception…thank goodness he stayed!
It literally took 15 seconds for the embryo to be transferred inside. Boom. Just like that. I am now potentially growing a human. I crossed my legs and pray that it grows, but of course….only time will tell. Another waiting game.
2 days later, Wednesday the 10th of April my stomach looks like I might as well be preggers. It’s huge. I’m so swollen, bloated, cramping and having some difficulty breathing…surely it’s not normal.
So naturally I do some google research….ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome is what I narrow it down to. Shit the bed what the hell does that even mean??
I call the nurses and they tell me to come in right away. Blood test, poke and prod.
Friday 12th I’m told I have OHSS and by Saturday night I’m literally the size of a horse. Sunday morning I’m admitted to women’s and children’s.
Emotions are running high and now pain is in my back. Struggle breathing and cramps like you wouldn’t believe….actually I’m sure some of you reading this know the exact feeling that I had…apparently it happens to 1 in 20 women…lucky us!
I was in hospital for 4 days and am so grateful to the beautiful nurses at women’s and children’s.
They took such good care of me and made me feel incredibly comfortable…well as comfortable as one could be in the state I was in and in a hospital bed…lets be honest…they’re bloody uncomfortable and don’t even get me started on those pillows!
Whilst I was in hospital they took my bloods each day so naturally I asked for my HCG level everyday, it was increasing so things were sounding positive, but I wasn’t too hopeful at this stage with the state I was in.
On Thursday the 18th I get out of hospital and do a pee test…..the results? You will have to read my next blog to find out.
On Friday the 19th (Good Friday) I go back into Repromed for my final blood tests to see if the embryo transfer had worked and to see if all the injections were worth it.
I waited around all day anxiously for the call to say if it was confirmed or not…..the results?
You will have to read my next blog to find out if the sperm finally met the egg.